So, had wine with some friends and their spouses. Admittedly their political views lean towards the conservative side. We are all entitled to our opinions and I try to maintain respectful, albeit we have had our playful jabs and debates. However, I could not believe my ears when the discussion turned to how Barak Obama needs to just "present his birth certificate" and be done with it. I was so blown away that I thought they were joking. I was shocked and then disgusted when I heard them talk about how he was born in Kenya, is a Russian plant and un-American who doesn't represent the original views of our founding fathers to have a christian nation. When I challenged them, I faced so much wrath and belittlement that I couldn't speak. I was labeled a liberal who needs to be saved. By the way, their husbands is why my husband refuses to have drinks with my girlfriends and their spouses - he finds the men especially toxic. I always thought he just took them too seriously - well, shame on me!
So, I got home, threw up for about 1 hour (I truly did) and told my husband that I just had drinks with the nazi party and was so mortified. I love my girlfriend but her gay-bashing, anti-foreigner, anti-whatever husband can go to hell. I definitely see his conservative ways having influenced her over the years. She used to be so open and accepting - albeit a conservative - but not a blatant racist. As my husband tried to comfort me - he pointed out that she is a big girl and can make up her own mind on things...and she obviously has.
I feel awful. I guess it's because the curtain has been drawn and I can see - really see and hear what is being said. Time to step off the cliff and make some waves as I say goodbye. But it hurts and it's like breaking up...well, it is breaking up. I would never associate with people like this - I guess 10 years of a friendship that never got to this point until this weekend is what makes this so difficult. I want to hold on to the good things that I remember...but I don't see much good developing from this. Friendships are supposed to grow and help one grow. Don't see that happening here.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Pre- IHEP HQ Fieldtrip
I never heard of IHEP but am looking forward to our visit - especially after browsing through the website. I was impressed with the funding partners. The board is small, but that is probably a good thing. I especially liked their Insight Magazine and its tagline - "Diversity is not only an obligation, but it's an opportunity.
Will check back in after the visit...
Okay - so had the field trip - very interesting "think tank" with an admirably focused mission. Am impressed with the reports that they have put out, especially in regards to under-represented groups and financial aid implications. The delicate balance they must maintain with politicos, donors (corporate and otherwise) and their clients is certainly complicated, but appears that they have been able to manage this since 1993.
Will check back in after the visit...
Okay - so had the field trip - very interesting "think tank" with an admirably focused mission. Am impressed with the reports that they have put out, especially in regards to under-represented groups and financial aid implications. The delicate balance they must maintain with politicos, donors (corporate and otherwise) and their clients is certainly complicated, but appears that they have been able to manage this since 1993.
Am I the Only One?
Am I the only one? Apparently not!
I attended an event sponsored by the Office of Diversity Programs and Services and the Center for Student Access last week. I was very happy to see a packed PACKED room filled with students of various ethnicities, religions, backgrounds and so forth. The warm-up exercise was a fabulous way to say hello and to meet fellow students. After spotting my fellow Diveristy classmates, I looked around and saw a student standing by himself. I went over and said, "Hello!" His name is Ali and he is a sophomore from Qatar! We had a great conversation about Islam, Qatar, diversity at Mason, the US educational system, politics, clothes and family! It was hard to step away, but the following panel discussion had me enthralled as I could totally relate to some of the stories and experiences being shared.
The follow-up group exercise was interesting and very very challenging - as there was one very strong personality in the group whose sole purpose for being at the event was to find answers to combat the perceived prejudice they had to endure on a fairly regular basis. The personality type was very strong and very single-minded. Their mission was for answers, black and white, if you will. They were not interested in thinking through issues, relating, sharing. They had such negative experiences that they just wanted to find a way to cope. As things got heated, the fire alarm went off and we had to vacate.
I knew that the likelihood of the seminar resuming was fairly low, but I hung out a bit and met up with the two facilitators - sharing with them how impressed and pleased I was with the event, content and format; however, I did share my experience, which led to a great conversation on how to move forward with the next session, the motivation for some to attend such an event, and reflecting on the how the individual I interacted with had such a difficult experience that their one and only goal was to find a way to cope - to find answers - "correct" responses - to the challenges they face.
We are all so different yet we still share so many of the same human needs such as love and acceptance. Sometimes acknowledging our differences is a wonderful thing, but we all ALL need to be reminded of what we, as human beings on this Earth, share in common.
I attended an event sponsored by the Office of Diversity Programs and Services and the Center for Student Access last week. I was very happy to see a packed PACKED room filled with students of various ethnicities, religions, backgrounds and so forth. The warm-up exercise was a fabulous way to say hello and to meet fellow students. After spotting my fellow Diveristy classmates, I looked around and saw a student standing by himself. I went over and said, "Hello!" His name is Ali and he is a sophomore from Qatar! We had a great conversation about Islam, Qatar, diversity at Mason, the US educational system, politics, clothes and family! It was hard to step away, but the following panel discussion had me enthralled as I could totally relate to some of the stories and experiences being shared.
The follow-up group exercise was interesting and very very challenging - as there was one very strong personality in the group whose sole purpose for being at the event was to find answers to combat the perceived prejudice they had to endure on a fairly regular basis. The personality type was very strong and very single-minded. Their mission was for answers, black and white, if you will. They were not interested in thinking through issues, relating, sharing. They had such negative experiences that they just wanted to find a way to cope. As things got heated, the fire alarm went off and we had to vacate.
I knew that the likelihood of the seminar resuming was fairly low, but I hung out a bit and met up with the two facilitators - sharing with them how impressed and pleased I was with the event, content and format; however, I did share my experience, which led to a great conversation on how to move forward with the next session, the motivation for some to attend such an event, and reflecting on the how the individual I interacted with had such a difficult experience that their one and only goal was to find a way to cope - to find answers - "correct" responses - to the challenges they face.
We are all so different yet we still share so many of the same human needs such as love and acceptance. Sometimes acknowledging our differences is a wonderful thing, but we all ALL need to be reminded of what we, as human beings on this Earth, share in common.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
LGBTQ @ Mason
I attended a Provost-led discussion group with representatives of Mason's LGBTQ leadership/organization community, faculty, staff and administrators yesterday morning. My first thought was the group seemed small - about 20 participants, then my second thought was what a wonderful opportunity to have meaningful dialog on various issues.
As discussion was a bit stiff at the beginning, I raised my hand and asked the group - at large - what issues/concerns were typical for incoming LGBTQ freshemen (either those who had come "out" or those who had not come "out" even to themselves). Two freshmen raised their hands and relayed totally different experiences - one felt welcomed and the other had a terrrible time adjusting. This led to a discussion on what services were truly available to freshmen, and so forth. Interestingly, a lot of folks were surprised to learn that training and the sharing of information on resources for this community is inconsistent across the board. This opened up to another discussion on SafeZone training. Some of the students were not sure what it was and some faculty members had no idea of the programs existence.
I think what it comes down to is that there is a small dedicated group of people trying to get the word out, do the training, advocate for issues, and implement change with various groups within the university, with a limited staff and a very tight budget. Hmmm - putting your money where your mouth is seems to be a recurring theme within the realm of diversity programs. A lot of lipservice - but meaningful action to support the services needed - hard to see, hard to find.
As discussion was a bit stiff at the beginning, I raised my hand and asked the group - at large - what issues/concerns were typical for incoming LGBTQ freshemen (either those who had come "out" or those who had not come "out" even to themselves). Two freshmen raised their hands and relayed totally different experiences - one felt welcomed and the other had a terrrible time adjusting. This led to a discussion on what services were truly available to freshmen, and so forth. Interestingly, a lot of folks were surprised to learn that training and the sharing of information on resources for this community is inconsistent across the board. This opened up to another discussion on SafeZone training. Some of the students were not sure what it was and some faculty members had no idea of the programs existence.
I think what it comes down to is that there is a small dedicated group of people trying to get the word out, do the training, advocate for issues, and implement change with various groups within the university, with a limited staff and a very tight budget. Hmmm - putting your money where your mouth is seems to be a recurring theme within the realm of diversity programs. A lot of lipservice - but meaningful action to support the services needed - hard to see, hard to find.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Unconscious Oppression
White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack, by Peggy McIntosh, is a thought-provoking essay about how “whites are carefully taught not to recognize white privilege, as males are taught not to recognize male privilege.” Being a non-white woman (Amer-Asian with the “Amer” being German, Irish and Puerto Rican, and the Asian being Korean), I have the “privilege” of observing both white, male, and white male privilege on a day to day basis. I feel I can speak from the perspective of observing white male privilege first hand.
I work at an ethnically diverse university that prides itself on its diverse student body; however, the diversity in its higher administration and the work groups I must interact with to perform my job, is ALL white male. Fortunately, the group with whom I immediately work is diverse - the College of Science. I am one of three female “administrative faculty” members. One woman is an Associate Dean, the other two, including myself are Directors. The remaining five administrative faculty members are men: the dean is of Asian-Indian descent; an African American development director and the remaining three associate deans are white males. Diversity gets interesting when one considers the College’s make up of academic members or department chairs. We have only two female department chairmen, the remaining 6 are white men. Despite this imbalance between race and gender, I feel comfortable within my college and within my role.
Ironically, it is when I am dealing with other administrative groups or upper administration personnel that I feel the effects of white privilege and white male privilege. The sciences are male dominated; however, the faculty and staff are ethnically diverse. I am very happy to observe and to participate with internal discussions on how to diversify our student body - we have a ways to go, but it is interesting to hear the debate and conversations at staff meetings. Fortunately, the College just received a substantial grant to recruit a more diverse body of students. Naturally, more people will have to be hired to manage this - and the proof will be in the pudding, when it comes time to hire the "fresh blood" to manage and implement this recruitment. If we are going to actually recruit more women and ethnically diverse students, then we need to walk the walk and talk the talk... But that's altogether another issue, let's talk about the white and white male dominance at this "diverse" university...
As Peggy McIntosh relays, "White privilege is like an invisible weightless knapsack of special provisions, maps, passports, code books, visas, clothes, tools and blank checks." From a work/career perspective here at Mason, my personal knapsack is missing a major tool - if you will- I am missing a penis. Although, I do firmly believe that my balls are much bigger than some of the men I have to work with.
The conditions I must confront on a daily basis at work are probably very similar to some of the same conditions other women and some people of color (including us "mixed" types) must face every day:
1. I can count on being one of a handful of women in an executive level meeting here at Mason.
2. I am typically the most "ethnically diverse" person present.
3. I have only one African American counter-part...never mind other ethnicities, et cetera (remember - this is within the university's administration - not the college level).
4. When I walk around construction sites (because I help my college plan for new facilities) in my "sensible shoes" and hard hat, some of the men I encounter wonder if I am a lesbian.
5. In meetings, my comments or suggestions are listened too, but shrugged off, ignored or even questioned...they are not taken seriously. What do women know anyway, especially in this area of development, planning and construction?
6. A male can restate the comments or suggestions I (or another woman makes), and they are listened to more seriously. (Makes me crazy angry sometimes!)
7. If I lose my temper and get irritated, I am perceived as a bitch, overbearing, trying to be like a man, or defensive.
8. An immediate assumption made about me is that I am an administrative assistant who works for one of the men in the meeting.
9. I am volunteered to take meeting notes if an administrative assistant is not present to do so. If I protest, then I am told it is because I have nicer handwriting...so, I take crappy and sloppy notes.
10. When I work with another female project manager on a construction project, we are second guessed as not having a technical understanding or knowledge of the science behind the project.
11. One particular administrator will not speak to me directly because I am not on his “level” (title-wise) and prefers to speak to my dean, even after my dean designated me as the point of contact. He is a white male who hires men who look like him and act like him. (I always sit next to him at meetings so he HAS to acknowledge me; not to would be rude!).
12. Today, a friend of mine told me that she received a glowing referral from someone (a male co-worker) who said that she is “positive and level-headed – very unusual in women today!” I chastised her for not giving me as a reference; but she felt she need to provide a male reference to be taken seriously.
14. My demeanor, statements, and so forth are a reflection of ALL women in my line of work.
15. I must accept discrimination because it is part of "being a part of the workforce today!" Oh gee - thanks, how generous of you white male world of university administration!
There are many days I come home thoroughly frustrated as I relay my day sitting in a meeting full of good 'ol white boys, feeling every bit the token female. I have almost become immune to the condescension in their voices - some days I take it and other days I rip back viciously - enough already! Why does this have to be so hard? I have changed the way I dress, carry myself and altered my appearance to "blend in" more with these men. There are days I just think, "screw 'em, and then some," and I put on some makeup, wear heals and a skirt - I'm a smart, successful and business savvy woman - fricken deal with it.
My past and present experiences have pissed me off enough to make me want to make changes - to lessen it and/or end it...albeit, slowly and methodically. I consider myself an ambassodor for women at the University; therefore, I purposefully try to mentor women who want to do what I do or who want to be in this field. My tools for their knapsack are:
1. Be yourself and be true to yourself.
2. Never try to be like one of the guys. See item 1.
3. You may not have a penis, but you may have bigger balls...take risks. Put yourself out there!
4. Do NOT second guess yourself. If you make a mistake, so what - acknowledge it and move on.
5. If you do not agree or like something, speak up.
6. Pass it on to other women...
Amazingly, the topic of "white privilege" is still written about - with references back to this classic article written in 1988. I read some of these articles about white privilege, especially the ones that may disagree that such a thing even exists. However, what is evident, the vestiges of white privilege does exist and comes in many forms from careers, socio-economic status and so forth. White privilege is a legacy that has had far reaching impact. Raising our daily consciousness is the first step to addressing the subtle and hidden nature of this phenomena. What we do with this awareness is critical and is something I am learning, refining and implementing...every day I go to work.
I work at an ethnically diverse university that prides itself on its diverse student body; however, the diversity in its higher administration and the work groups I must interact with to perform my job, is ALL white male. Fortunately, the group with whom I immediately work is diverse - the College of Science. I am one of three female “administrative faculty” members. One woman is an Associate Dean, the other two, including myself are Directors. The remaining five administrative faculty members are men: the dean is of Asian-Indian descent; an African American development director and the remaining three associate deans are white males. Diversity gets interesting when one considers the College’s make up of academic members or department chairs. We have only two female department chairmen, the remaining 6 are white men. Despite this imbalance between race and gender, I feel comfortable within my college and within my role.
Ironically, it is when I am dealing with other administrative groups or upper administration personnel that I feel the effects of white privilege and white male privilege. The sciences are male dominated; however, the faculty and staff are ethnically diverse. I am very happy to observe and to participate with internal discussions on how to diversify our student body - we have a ways to go, but it is interesting to hear the debate and conversations at staff meetings. Fortunately, the College just received a substantial grant to recruit a more diverse body of students. Naturally, more people will have to be hired to manage this - and the proof will be in the pudding, when it comes time to hire the "fresh blood" to manage and implement this recruitment. If we are going to actually recruit more women and ethnically diverse students, then we need to walk the walk and talk the talk... But that's altogether another issue, let's talk about the white and white male dominance at this "diverse" university...
As Peggy McIntosh relays, "White privilege is like an invisible weightless knapsack of special provisions, maps, passports, code books, visas, clothes, tools and blank checks." From a work/career perspective here at Mason, my personal knapsack is missing a major tool - if you will- I am missing a penis. Although, I do firmly believe that my balls are much bigger than some of the men I have to work with.
The conditions I must confront on a daily basis at work are probably very similar to some of the same conditions other women and some people of color (including us "mixed" types) must face every day:
1. I can count on being one of a handful of women in an executive level meeting here at Mason.
2. I am typically the most "ethnically diverse" person present.
3. I have only one African American counter-part...never mind other ethnicities, et cetera (remember - this is within the university's administration - not the college level).
4. When I walk around construction sites (because I help my college plan for new facilities) in my "sensible shoes" and hard hat, some of the men I encounter wonder if I am a lesbian.
5. In meetings, my comments or suggestions are listened too, but shrugged off, ignored or even questioned...they are not taken seriously. What do women know anyway, especially in this area of development, planning and construction?
6. A male can restate the comments or suggestions I (or another woman makes), and they are listened to more seriously. (Makes me crazy angry sometimes!)
7. If I lose my temper and get irritated, I am perceived as a bitch, overbearing, trying to be like a man, or defensive.
8. An immediate assumption made about me is that I am an administrative assistant who works for one of the men in the meeting.
9. I am volunteered to take meeting notes if an administrative assistant is not present to do so. If I protest, then I am told it is because I have nicer handwriting...so, I take crappy and sloppy notes.
10. When I work with another female project manager on a construction project, we are second guessed as not having a technical understanding or knowledge of the science behind the project.
11. One particular administrator will not speak to me directly because I am not on his “level” (title-wise) and prefers to speak to my dean, even after my dean designated me as the point of contact. He is a white male who hires men who look like him and act like him. (I always sit next to him at meetings so he HAS to acknowledge me; not to would be rude!).
12. Today, a friend of mine told me that she received a glowing referral from someone (a male co-worker) who said that she is “positive and level-headed – very unusual in women today!” I chastised her for not giving me as a reference; but she felt she need to provide a male reference to be taken seriously.
14. My demeanor, statements, and so forth are a reflection of ALL women in my line of work.
15. I must accept discrimination because it is part of "being a part of the workforce today!" Oh gee - thanks, how generous of you white male world of university administration!
There are many days I come home thoroughly frustrated as I relay my day sitting in a meeting full of good 'ol white boys, feeling every bit the token female. I have almost become immune to the condescension in their voices - some days I take it and other days I rip back viciously - enough already! Why does this have to be so hard? I have changed the way I dress, carry myself and altered my appearance to "blend in" more with these men. There are days I just think, "screw 'em, and then some," and I put on some makeup, wear heals and a skirt - I'm a smart, successful and business savvy woman - fricken deal with it.
My past and present experiences have pissed me off enough to make me want to make changes - to lessen it and/or end it...albeit, slowly and methodically. I consider myself an ambassodor for women at the University; therefore, I purposefully try to mentor women who want to do what I do or who want to be in this field. My tools for their knapsack are:
1. Be yourself and be true to yourself.
2. Never try to be like one of the guys. See item 1.
3. You may not have a penis, but you may have bigger balls...take risks. Put yourself out there!
4. Do NOT second guess yourself. If you make a mistake, so what - acknowledge it and move on.
5. If you do not agree or like something, speak up.
6. Pass it on to other women...
Amazingly, the topic of "white privilege" is still written about - with references back to this classic article written in 1988. I read some of these articles about white privilege, especially the ones that may disagree that such a thing even exists. However, what is evident, the vestiges of white privilege does exist and comes in many forms from careers, socio-economic status and so forth. White privilege is a legacy that has had far reaching impact. Raising our daily consciousness is the first step to addressing the subtle and hidden nature of this phenomena. What we do with this awareness is critical and is something I am learning, refining and implementing...every day I go to work.
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